5) “Close your legs to married men!”

Atlanta, Season 1 – Episode 8

Who could forget Nene’s unforgettable tagline from the Atlanta Season 1 reunion show? It seemed to be her only defense against the clueless Kim’s explanation of her relationship with the ever-mysterious “Big Poppa.” (Watch the Video!) The drama continued a few months later when Nene visited “Watch What Happens Live” and Kim called in with a bone to pick. The irony is certainly not lost on me that Nene is there to promote a book called “Never Make the Same Mistake Twice” while she once again blasts into a wild rage punctuated by slams like “trash box,” “hook-uh,” and “wig” that have since worked their way into my everyday vocabulary. (Watch the Video!)—take it, and run with it.

 4) Vicki gets nailed at Lake Havasu

Orange County, Season 4 – Episode 5

Ahhh, there are so many memories over the years from the famed Lake Havasu with the original Housewives gang from Orange County. Who could forget the knock-down, drag-out “Frankie-gate” incident (Watch the Video!) or the revelation of Ryan’s “NUGGET” tattoo? (Watch the Video!) In case you forgot—“Nugget” was the nickname given to his unborn illegitimate child that was miscarried in the first trimester—a perfectly suitable inspiration for an inner lip tattoo that will disappear in a matter of months. But the best Havasu clip came when God finally decided to take some revenge on the razor-tongued Vicki Gunvalson by smacking her in the skull with a water soaked nerf football. There’s not much more to say about it—just (Watch the Video!) for yourself and listen carefully for the faint cheers of Housewives fans worldwide in celebratory joy as Vicki finally gets what’s been coming to her. WOO-HOO!

3) Welcome to Scary Island

New York City, Season 3 – Episodes 11, 12, 13

I have never been more enthralled by a 3-part string of Housewives episode than I was with the “Scary Island” saga of the latest season of RHofNY. Everything went my way on this trip (Watch the Video!)—Bethenny got in some amazing one-liners (“gummy bears don’t grow off the vine!” was her response to Kelly stating in one breath that she never eats processed foods and also loves gummy bears). Alex attempted to model for Kelly’s bizarre beach photo shoot but ended up looking like the girl climbing out of the well in “The Ring.” Sonja awkwardly confessed her bisexuality. Ramona drunkenly declared it “TURTLE TIME!” Kelly “Satchels of Gold” Bensimon took more jelly bean induced dives off the deep end than Greg Louganis in 1988. And yet after all that, the biggest bomb had not yet been dropped–the trip was magically capped off by Jill Zarin’s surprise appearance in an aqua muumuu expecting to be greeted with open arms by her castmates. Let’s just say, to my delight, it didn’t quite turn out that way. (Watch the Video!)

2) The Last Supper: Teresa flips out

New Jersey, Season 1 – Episode 7

Perhaps the most infamous scene in Housewives history came courtesy of the thug-tastic cast from the Garden State. The driving force of the entire first season was the exposure of a book (“Cop Without A Badge”… HA!) written about Danielle’s dark and mysterious past accusing her of crimes ranging from kidnapping to prostitution to involvement with Columbian drug rings. It all came to a boil in the season finale when the cast and their families all joined for a meal. Danielle wasted no time in whipping out the book and indicting the Manzo’s with slandering her name. It didn’t take long for Teresa to chime in by inquiring which parts of the book were indeed true (the answer is “Name change. Got arrested. Pay attention. PUH-LEASE.”) Seconds later Hurricane Teresa took hold of the dinner table and tossed it on its side (Watch the Video!), resulting in the most talked about Housewives moment of all time.

1) Kim hits the recording studio

Atlanta, Season 1 – Episode 5

No housewife has brought me more joy than Atlanta’s wig wielding Kim Zolciak. She is so aggressively delusional that I simply cannot take my eyes off her when she’s on the screen. Her defining moment of season one came when she was paired up with a vocal coach (Watch the Video!) in hopes of advancing her dreams of country music superstardom. After being told she essentially can’t sing a note, Kim asks “Where does that come into play when singing in the studio?” In her defense, she makes a pretty valid point given the criteria for modern pop musicians. From there she met up with producer Dallas Austin to record her debut single “Tightrope,” and the results were more than I could have ever hoped for (Watch the Video!). While the single never came out, she picked up the pieces in season two and delivered us the original Housewives jam “Tardy for the Party” which reached the top 10 dance tracks on iTunes as has been blowing up by dance parties ever since.

So that’s it folks, my favorite botox injected, martini slamming, wig snatching, cuff making, white house crashing, gold digging moments in Real Housewives history. Share some of your favs in the comments section and here’s to many many more to come!

What on God’s great Earth has come over me? Anyone who is my friend on Facebook need not believe their eyes are deceiving them… I actually LITERALLY just “liked” Katy Perry. There I said it.

Why is someone like me who is so unashamed to love anything sugary, quirky, and boobalicious so dreadfully shy about professing my love for the newly crowned summer pop princess. Could it be because she’s so blatantly untalented? Nah… that never stopped me from engaging in an 11-year lip sync love affair with Britney Spears. Maybe it’s because she’s constantly craving attention for doing outrageous things? Couldn’t be! That’s perhaps what I adore most about my beloved Lady Gaga (CLICK HERE to see my Top 5 Reasons I’m Goo-Goo for Gaga). So what is it that makes Katy Perry my guiltiest of pleasures?

Even though every fiber of my being tells me to be turned off, I just can’t resist her pure, unadulterated camp-factor. She’s had that going for her from the start with gimicky hits like “I Kissed a Girl” and “Waking Up In Vegas,” but she’s kicked in to full-on John Waters mode with her new material. At this point,”California Gurls” (yes… spelt with a big, fat, giant U) has overstayed it’s welcome on my “*Current Favs*” playlist, but I still can’t deny how genius the song is in its absolute ridiculousness. I feel sad for all female citizens of the Golden State who have been forever doomed to be portrayed in a pair of “daisy dukes, bikinis on top.” And the blue wig she’s been sporting all over the damn place? Really? I want to hate it, but it’s just so stupid I have to give the girl props. Which leads me to the realization that Katy Perry has wonderfully positioned herself as the Snooki of pop music. Everyone loves you… no one can really pin-point any positive reason why.

At least I know I’m not the only one out there! Her new song “Teenage Dream” (CLICK HERE to see the brand new video!) has been blowing up the radio and her sophomore album is poised be one of the biggest releases of the summer. So what do you guys think? I know there’s rhyme… but is there any reason for my new love affair? Are you splashing in a popsicle puddle for the future Mrs. Russell Brand? Or are you still left “Hot’N'Cold” by her over-the-top antics? Sound off in the comments section!

CLICK HERE to order Katy’s new album “Teenage Dream” on iTunes!

CLICK HERE to visit her official website!

CLICK HERE to become a fan on Facebook!

This is everything I could ever want and 10 million times more!!! In case you missed this week’s episode of Glee, check out this stunning rendition of “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Misérables featuring Idina Menzel and Lea Michele. The big reveal is that Vocal Adrenaline coach Shelby is (SHOCK!) actually Rachel Berry’s biological mother!!! Didn’t see that coming considering they are practically identical. Their voices here blend to absolute perfection providing us with one of the most emotionally rivoting performances of the season.

My only beef…. when are we going to get to meet Rachel’s dads?! They’ve got to be a hoot! Catch the video below and sound off in the comments section about your favorite Glee performance this week!

Happy Humpday, y’all!

The weekend is just around the corner and it’s time to get those cocktails fa-lowin’! I don’t know about you guys, but my iTunes “Current Favs” playlist is starting to overflow with party jams for the summer! Here are the songs that are currently rocking my world and will keep the fiesta going all verano long!

05. Cypress Hill featuring Marc Anthony & Pitbull – Armada Latina

It’s CINCO DE MAYO! Chill back, sip your cuba libre, and marvel at the fact that Marc Anthony is actually in a relevant pop song in the year 2010.

04. B.o.B. featuring Hayley Williams – Airplanes

Hayley Williams’ (of Paramore) voice is out of control in the best way possible! The lyrics in both the verses and chorus are really poignant. I could really use a wish right now… and that wish is for this song to play on repeat over and over and over…

03. La Roux – Bulletproof

This delicious synthpop anthem from British duo La Roux will be burning up the dancefloor for months to come. Who knew they made gingers this fierce?

02. Hanson – Thinking ‘Bout Somethin’

1 – I love Hanson.

2 – I love group dancing.

Need I say more?

01. Kimberly Cole – Smack You

I stumbled across this song a few weeks ago and have become absolutely obsessed! Pump up this jam while you’re gettin’ ready with the girls and you will undoubtedly be ready to SMACK A BITCH by night’s end!

Take a second to catch your breath… I know it’s a pretty thrilling moment. It’s been months since you’ve gotten a taste of my witty pop culture banter and you’ve been having more urges than Rosie O’Donnell at a Lumber-Jane festival. Well gas up your chain saw and get ready to log roll because KG Off the Chain is back, bitches!

Since we last saw one another, so much has gone down in the world of TV, music, and movies that I don’t even know where to begin. I have a rapidly growing list of topics I want to chat about, but I wanted to welcome you all back with a bang and give you my top 5 off-the-chain pop culture nuggets of the past few months. Well, here goes nothin’!

5. RuPaul’s Drag Race – Season Two

How on EARTH did I miss season one of Logo’s breakout hit RuPaul’s Drag Race?! For those of you that haven’t been lucky enough to catch an episode, Drag Race pits twelve of the nation’s top drag performers against one another in an America’s Next Top Model style competition. The world’s first drag superstar, RuPaul, serves as both the Heidi Klum and Tim Gunn of the show, hosting the elimination ceremonies as a woman and losing the makeup and gown to mentor the contestants as they prepare for each challenge. As you can imagine, everything about this series is over the top. Challenges range from having the queens make over an old man into their “drag mother” to seeing who can make the most money performing in a raunchy burlesque show and selling cherry pie gift certificates outside of the venue. Last week’s finale was explosive as Tyra “The Other Tyra” Sanchez sashayed away with the title of “America’s Next Drag Superstar” after she owned runner-up Raven in the final “Lip Synch For Your Life” showdown. Yes… you read correctly… Lip. Synch. For. Your. Life. Enough said!

Watch the entire season NOW at www.rupaulsdragrace.com! And while you’re at it, upload your photo into “The Dragulator” and turn yourself into your very own drag superstar!

4. Simon Curtis – 8Bit Heart

I was clicking through some blogs and stumbled upon this new artist that I have absolutely fallen in love with! His name is Simon Curtis, and he might look a little familiar. Simon got his big break in 2009 as the star of Nickelodeon’s High School Musical rip-off Spectacular! (I didn’t choose to use that exclamation point… it’s literally a part of the title…). Luckily for Simon and all of us, he’s shed his faux teen idol veneer and has created a delicious electro pop album entirely about…. robot sex. Well, that may not be exactly true; however, one track does include the line “Try to play it like you think you’re something so hot / Hate to say it, but I’d rather fuck a robot.” The songs manage to be extremely catchy and creative while simultaneously telling a rather captivating story about a robot trying to find love in order to become a real person. In a post-Lady Gaga world, it takes a lot for a new pop artist to break outside of the box and I think 8Bit Heart is both interesting and marketable enough to captivate an increasingly diluted pop music audience.

Download Simon Curtis’ debut album 8Bit Heart for FREE at www.simon-curtis.com!

3. Pitch Slapped covers “Halo” by Beyonce at ICCA

As most of you know I am a total a cappella nerd! While I was pretty disappointed with the NBC series “The Sing-Off”  featuring a few of my favorite college groups, I was way more excited to see some videos start popping up from this year’s International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella! While the SoCal VoCals took the title for a second time this year, the real stand out for me was Pitch Slapped from the Berklee school of Music. On top of having the best name I’ve heard in quite a while, Pitch Slapped nailed every number in their set with standout soloist and a rock solid, perfectly blended ensemble. Take a look at their cover of Beyonce’s “Halo” and I dare you not to get a goosebump or two!

Check out more from Pitch Slapped at www.pitchslappedacappella.com

For more information on ICCA visit www.varsityvocals.com

2. Glee: The Power of Madonna

Holy crap. Just when I thought Glee couldn’t possibly be any more awesome… this happened. After a long winter hiatus, my favorite show finally returned in April and the second episode back was entirely devoted to the Queen of Pop herself, Madonna. I’m not a huge fan (I’m a part of the Britney generation!) but Madonna’s cultural influence and catalogue of hits speak for themselves. Every number was a showstopper, with highlights including Sue Sylvester’s frame-by-frame reenactment of the “Vogue” music video and Kurt and Mercedes joining the Cheerios for a roof-raising rendition of Madge and JT’s 2008 collaboration “4 Minutes.” Speaking of raising the roof, I almost shot through mine at the realization that the craptastic American Idol had run long and my DVR had cut off the finale number!!! It was a restless night of tossing and turning until FOX finally posted the episode on their website and I got to watch Rachel, Finn, and the gang (backed by an 80-member gospel choir!) take on “Like a Prayer.” And holy mother of Lourdes did they DELIVER! To no one’s surprise, the episode’s soundtrack debuted at #1 on the Billboard Charts and Glee has officially become the highest rated new scripted series of the season! Looks like we won’t be seeing New Directions take their final bow anytime soon! Gleeks rejoice!

Watch the episode for FREE at www.fox.com/glee!

Buy the EP Glee: The Power of Madonna on iTunes HERE

1. Lady Gaga and Beyonce’s Telephone Music Video

No words.

So what out there has been yanking your pop culture chain? I don’t know about you, but I’m ready for a cocktail in the interior illusions lounge… if you care to join me, sound off in the comments section!

Until next time! And remember, as RuPaul would say… if you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love someone else? Can I get an amen?

Let the music play.

MTV is promoting their upcoming 2009 Video Music Awards (Sept. 13, 8:00pm central) with a star studded spin on the musical West Side Story. The video features Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, Ne-Yo, Russell Brand, Cobra Starship, and Leighton Meister as millenial versions of the characters from the Sondheim classic. Despite the fact that no one featured in the clip (with the exception of maybe Ne-Yo) can actually sing, auto-tune manages to help enough to make the clip thoroughly entertaining. I hope the actual VMA’s can follow suit because I have been disappointed in the show for the past few years. Hopefully this promo is a sign of good things to come!

Hey kiddos!

So my obsession with Lady Gaga is sailing into unhealthy territory. Pretty soon I am going to be showing up to work drinking from a miniature tea cup and wearing a dress made of post-it notes. Anyways… I could not go another day without off-the-chaining the top 5 reasons I am goo-goo for Gaga.

5. She is obscene for the sheer sake of being obscene.

In a British television interview, Gaga was asked if the rumors were true that she is indeed a well-endowed young man. Her response?

“Well, I do have a really big donkey dick.”

Fierce.

4. She works hard for the money.

Lady Gaga started performing in the NYC club scene at the tender age of 14 and she’s dedicated her life and her finances to her live performances ever since. Until this day, Gaga has put nearly every dollar she has earned into funding costumes, props, scenery, stage hands, designers, dancers, musicians, and other necessary accoutrement to put on her glittery spectacle of a show. She is often quoted as saying she is “married to her music” and that her life is a work of art. Now that’s dedication!

3. She is unashamed to make pure pop music.

Her CD is full of some of the catchiest songs I have ever heard. Gaga has a knack for writing hooks that get stuck in my head longer than it takes Tyra to tease her weave in the morning. One of my biggest pet peeves is when people bash “pop music” as though it’s an art not worthy of praise or admiration… kind of like how magic used to be before the Harry Potter books. In fact, Lady Gaga is the Dumbledore of pop music, combining her unique phrasing, sing-songy lyrics, and dancefloor beats to cast a spell upon the world. She has opened the door for a whole new class of popular music. Alohomora.

2.  Enough said…

1. The moment I saw this one particular interview (watch it here) was the moment I knew Gaga was more than a passing craze for me. It made me see that she is intelligent, sexy, creative, hilarious, iconic… in essence, she is OFF THE CHAIN! After the interviewer asks Lady Gaga if she thinks that the sexual nature of her music is distracting from people respecting or appreciating its quality, she is NOT pleased. After she sort of dodges the question, he next asks what the greatest achievement of her career is and this is her reply:

“The gay community. Because I love them so much. Because they don’t ask me questions like that. Because they love strong sexual women who speak their mind. You see, if I was a guy and I was sitting here with a cigarette in my hand, grabbing my crotch and talking about how I make music because I love fast cars and fucking girls, you’d call me a rockstar. But when I do it in my music and in my videos, because I’m a female, because I make pop music, you are judgmental and you say that it is distracting. I’m just a rockstar.”

I can practically feel that journalist’s balls recoiling as she talks. All I can say is get it, girl! I’d love to hear what you guys think of Gaga! Do you think she’s a hermaphrodite? (I would probably love her more!!) Do you have a favorite outfit? Are you still chaffing from that ride on the disco stick? Sound off in the comments section!

Until next time… stay fierce!

Click Here to Become a Fan of Lady Gaga on Facebook

Click Here to Follow Lady Gaga on Twitter

Click Here to Buy The Fame on iTunes

A few weeks ago I posted some of my favorite off-the-chain summer jams… but I hadn’t yet discovered this dancefloor gem that has had me working my thang all over the Twin Cities so far this summer. This techno-pop anthem is called “When Love Takes Over” and it is by French DJ David Guetta featuring powerhouse vocals by Kelly Rowland of Destiny’s Child.

Wait… what? Who? Kelly Rowland? That girl who is famous for being a glorfied backup singer? The one who was a coach on that horrible show Clash of the Choirs on NBC? The chick who plays second fiddle to Isaac Mizrahi on Bravo’s The Fashion Show? Yeah, that girl. And she is not messing around on this song. At first listen, I could swear it was Whitney Houston. I have got to give credit where credit is due… and hot damn, Kelly Rowland just maxed out my Visa.

The song has a mellow piano driven Coldplay feel at the start and busts into a synth heavy pop beat that swells in the chorus along with Rowland’s belty solo. For the bridge, Guetta pulls out the best move from the catchy pop song playbook by dropping out the beat and building it back up into a satisfying climax that just begs for an explosion of glittery confetti.

From the sounds of it, Guetta has more hits in store for us with his new CD dropping in stores August 24 featuring collaborations with Akon, Ne-Yo, Estelle and Kid Cudi.

Click here to buy “When Love Takes Over” on iTunes

Click here to follow David Guetta on Twitter

Click here to become a fan on Facebook!

Just thought I would share with you all that yesterday was one of the busiest days so far for KG Off The Chain! I finally got up a new post and traffic increased by 400% from the previous day! I also noticed that I am currently #65 on the top 100 growing blogs on WordPress! Thanks for your support… I love to write and I love pop culture and entertainment, but it definitely motivates me to know you guys are out there reading (and hopefully enjoying) what I have to say!

Kyle

How many of you guys have been watching Fox’s summer staple, So You Think You Can Dance? I’ve always caught an episode here or there, but this is the first season I have become officially addicted! From what I’ve gathered from the episodes I’ve seen in the past, this is the most diverse and well rounded cast in the show’s five year history. In the past, the competition has been dominated by male hip-hop dancers, while this year’s cast specializes in a much broader range of styles like Broadway, contemporary, ballroom, and more. I’m going to try and give some more in depth recaps as the season progresses, but for now I’ll just highlight (in my opinion) the two dancers who I believe have the most off-the-chain potential!

Girls: Kayla Radomski

I’m no professional dancer (although my signature squat-and-slap move is really catching on) but I do know what I find entertaining. Kayla Radomski may or may not be the best dancer of the season, but she is certainly the most magnetizing. The judges have not said a bad word about her from day one and she has been on the “hot tamale train” (a reference I dont quite understand as a new viewer of the show) for 3 of the last 4 weeks. Do I think she’s amazing just because Nigel tells me she is? I don’t know. What I do know is that I can’t take my eyes off of her, and that says a lot considering she’s now dancing with Kupono (hey girl HEY!) I think she is young, fresh, fun, and very talented. And from what I’ve seen the show really hasn’t had any winners like her, so if I were a betting man I’d throw all my chips towards Kayla walking  pirouetting away with this season’s title.

Guys: Brandon Bryant

Brandon started the season off with a bang by turning Mary Murphy‘s “woo hoo!” into a “boo hoo” as she was brought to tears by his epic contemporary solo. Things were looking bright for this guy as he headed into Vegas week; however, to everyone’s surprise Lil C and Mia Michaels decided to take him down a few pegs. In the end, Brandon made the top 20 and came into the live shows determined to prove his ability to the haters. His strength matched with the sauciness of his salsalicious partner, Janette has been a show stopping combination on the SYTYCD stage. And the Queen of Contemporary, Mia Michaels even took back her harsh words during last week’s live show. I think that Brandon is just one of those guys that is good at everything he does, and while he may be a cocky bastard because of it, his talent cannot be denied. With Mia and the rest of the judges firmly in his corner, I think he is in it for the long haul!

So how about you guys!? Who are your favs this year? Are you as in love with Mia Michaels as I am? Are you thinking of rocking Sonya‘s killer mohawk? How much more effing fierce can Cat Deeley really get? Let me know what you think in the comments section!