Top 5 Real Housewives Moments of All Time!

October is officially “Real Housewives” month, y’all! In honor of the premieres of RH of Atlanta and Beverly Hills coming in the next two weeks, I wanted to take a stroll down memory lane and recount my favorite moments from everyone’s favorite reality guilty pleasure.

5) “Close your legs to married men!”

Atlanta, Season 1 – Episode 8

Who could forget Nene’s unforgettable tagline from the Atlanta Season 1 reunion show? It seemed to be her only defense against the clueless Kim’s explanation of her relationship with the ever-mysterious “Big Poppa.” (Watch the Video!) The drama continued a few months later when Nene visited “Watch What Happens Live” and Kim called in with a bone to pick. The irony is certainly not lost on me that Nene is there to promote a book called “Never Make the Same Mistake Twice” while she once again blasts into a wild rage punctuated by slams like “trash box,” “hook-uh,” and “wig” that have since worked their way into my everyday vocabulary. (Watch the Video!)—take it, and run with it.

 4) Vicki gets nailed at Lake Havasu

Orange County, Season 4 – Episode 5

Ahhh, there are so many memories over the years from the famed Lake Havasu with the original Housewives gang from Orange County. Who could forget the knock-down, drag-out “Frankie-gate” incident (Watch the Video!) or the revelation of Ryan’s “NUGGET” tattoo? (Watch the Video!) In case you forgot—“Nugget” was the nickname given to his unborn illegitimate child that was miscarried in the first trimester—a perfectly suitable inspiration for an inner lip tattoo that will disappear in a matter of months. But the best Havasu clip came when God finally decided to take some revenge on the razor-tongued Vicki Gunvalson by smacking her in the skull with a water soaked nerf football. There’s not much more to say about it—just (Watch the Video!) for yourself and listen carefully for the faint cheers of Housewives fans worldwide in celebratory joy as Vicki finally gets what’s been coming to her. WOO-HOO!

3) Welcome to Scary Island

New York City, Season 3 – Episodes 11, 12, 13

I have never been more enthralled by a 3-part string of Housewives episode than I was with the “Scary Island” saga of the latest season of RHofNY. Everything went my way on this trip (Watch the Video!)—Bethenny got in some amazing one-liners (“gummy bears don’t grow off the vine!” was her response to Kelly stating in one breath that she never eats processed foods and also loves gummy bears). Alex attempted to model for Kelly’s bizarre beach photo shoot but ended up looking like the girl climbing out of the well in “The Ring.” Sonja awkwardly confessed her bisexuality. Ramona drunkenly declared it “TURTLE TIME!” Kelly “Satchels of Gold” Bensimon took more jelly bean induced dives off the deep end than Greg Louganis in 1988. And yet after all that, the biggest bomb had not yet been dropped–the trip was magically capped off by Jill Zarin’s surprise appearance in an aqua muumuu expecting to be greeted with open arms by her castmates. Let’s just say, to my delight, it didn’t quite turn out that way. (Watch the Video!)

2) The Last Supper: Teresa flips out

New Jersey, Season 1 – Episode 7

Perhaps the most infamous scene in Housewives history came courtesy of the thug-tastic cast from the Garden State. The driving force of the entire first season was the exposure of a book (“Cop Without A Badge”… HA!) written about Danielle’s dark and mysterious past accusing her of crimes ranging from kidnapping to prostitution to involvement with Columbian drug rings. It all came to a boil in the season finale when the cast and their families all joined for a meal. Danielle wasted no time in whipping out the book and indicting the Manzo’s with slandering her name. It didn’t take long for Teresa to chime in by inquiring which parts of the book were indeed true (the answer is “Name change. Got arrested. Pay attention. PUH-LEASE.”) Seconds later Hurricane Teresa took hold of the dinner table and tossed it on its side (Watch the Video!), resulting in the most talked about Housewives moment of all time.

1) Kim hits the recording studio

Atlanta, Season 1 – Episode 5

No housewife has brought me more joy than Atlanta’s wig wielding Kim Zolciak. She is so aggressively delusional that I simply cannot take my eyes off her when she’s on the screen. Her defining moment of season one came when she was paired up with a vocal coach (Watch the Video!) in hopes of advancing her dreams of country music superstardom. After being told she essentially can’t sing a note, Kim asks “Where does that come into play when singing in the studio?” In her defense, she makes a pretty valid point given the criteria for modern pop musicians. From there she met up with producer Dallas Austin to record her debut single “Tightrope,” and the results were more than I could have ever hoped for (Watch the Video!). While the single never came out, she picked up the pieces in season two and delivered us the original Housewives jam “Tardy for the Party” which reached the top 10 dance tracks on iTunes as has been blowing up by dance parties ever since.

So that’s it folks, my favorite botox injected, martini slamming, wig snatching, cuff making, white house crashing, gold digging moments in Real Housewives history. Share some of your favs in the comments section and here’s to many many more to come!

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